Have you ever wanted to start over? like REALLY start over, pack your stuff, set off as far away as you can get; delete your facebook, twitter, myspace, email, cell phone, etc. and start completely OVER?
It's always been my fantasy, and I never have gotten around to it.
There's always some reason why I have to stay, there's always someone telling me who I am.
I want to tell me who I am for once!
I want to move so far away I have a legitimate excuse not to call or write or come visit.
I want to adapt a whole new personality.
A new past, created to my own specifications.
I want to be shy.
I want to be a pilot.
A marine Biologist.
I want to learn to Dance, and play piano, and guitar.
I want to sing and be sung to.
I want to write.
These past few years have really changed the dynamics of my life, my friends have all got thier own interests, and projects. relationships. families.
This year I didn't even get one single 'happy future mother's day!' from some well meaning friend who wanted to make me smile. is it selfish that I wanted one?
I want a future.
I want to build myself piece by piece into the amazing person I want to be.
I'm afraid I cannot do that, because I have to work. and wash my hair. and make sure the house is cleaned, and fold the laundry.
Someday I'm going to break free and run so far, so fast you never even knew I was looking the other direction. Someday I'm going to be 'that girl I used to work with/go to high school with/ be friends with.' but for now I'm still here.
Someday I'm going to break free and be the amazing succesful person I am in my daydreams.
but not today.
And not tomorrow.